"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes." Psalm 119:71

Monday, November 29, 2010


Some days I'd like a mulligan.
A do-over.
A "go back."

Some days I don't care about my new perspective, my new sense of self, or my new take on life.

Some days I'm grouchy and I want to toss my prescriptions, delete my doctors' numbers from my phone, and clear the bookshelves of cancer 'memorabilia.'

Some days I want to wear pink, head to toe. Some days I want to shout out about surviving. Some days I want to lose a few hours researching the illness online.

Some days I ask what I can do to help. How can I make it better? Some days I want to embrace the cause and honor those who are still fighting.

Usually I just don't want the label anymore. Usually I want to be the best version of me, a personality independent of cancer. I want my family to move on. Usually I'm longing for this to be a shadow of a memory.

Mostly I want to figure out what it is God intends to make of all this. Mostly I want the desires of my heart to match his desires. Mostly I want to want to ignore the rest and really be able to say, "Here am I. Send me."

Someday I'll get the hang of it.

1 comment:

  1. sounds like you have the hang of it now. Seeing life as it is with all the ups and downs, the glory and the pain and realizing how hard it is unless we focus on God... that's it.


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