Brandy is just now out of her heart transplant surgery. She got the call last night at 6 pm and went in to surgery around 3 a.m. It's such a miracle and Brandy, who was smiling ear to ear when I saw her last night, is definitely being protected by God. You've been such fantastic prayer warriors for me, please take the time and pray for Brandy now, too.
-Pray that the transplant is a complete success and recovery is quick.
-Pray that her husband, Travis, and children, Connor and Becca, feel His presence and comfort.
-Pray for that family who lost a loved one. Pray that they know how much he or she gave and that they are blessed because of it.
When I walked into her hospital room she was all bright and shiny, grinning and laughing! It's unusual to walk into a hospital room and find someone in such good spirits. Unless they've just given birth. But, then again, last night was an occasion of new life, wasn't it?
Showing posts with label blessings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blessings. Show all posts
Friday, July 22, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Most Fun I've Ever Had Writing a Post
Scans are clear! Healthy! Cancer-free!
(details to follow, thanks for your prayers.)
(details to follow, thanks for your prayers.)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Yes, Jesus Loves Me
I watched a family gather in a hospital waiting room on tv tonight. And for one fleeting second, I almost envied them. They had complete and total need for God in that moment while they waited to hear if their daughter lived or died. Their predicament is not enviable but their proximity to God is.
I can identify with the author of the famous "Footprints" poem. When we can't walk on our own, I believe God carries us.
One year ago I began a journey.
I still walk that path. But I'm a different traveler today than I was back then. God carried me through the worst of the trail. Through the twists and turns and thickets. And then he laid me on my feet, below the sunshine. And now my biggest duty is to embrace all those things he whispered in my ear when he carried me. To look to eternal things and remember the pain and brokenness that drove me to so intensely seek my Savior.
If I look different to you today than I did 365 days ago, it's only because the Holy Spirit shines more brightly now that I've given him a bigger home in my heart.
It's been one year, and for the time being-- today and maybe tomorrow, too-- the sun is shining. And I can say again-- and truly mean it-- Here am I. Send me. Even if it's painful. Because when I am weak, then He is strong. Because, yes, Jesus loves me.
I can identify with the author of the famous "Footprints" poem. When we can't walk on our own, I believe God carries us.
One year ago I began a journey.
I still walk that path. But I'm a different traveler today than I was back then. God carried me through the worst of the trail. Through the twists and turns and thickets. And then he laid me on my feet, below the sunshine. And now my biggest duty is to embrace all those things he whispered in my ear when he carried me. To look to eternal things and remember the pain and brokenness that drove me to so intensely seek my Savior.
If I look different to you today than I did 365 days ago, it's only because the Holy Spirit shines more brightly now that I've given him a bigger home in my heart.
It's been one year, and for the time being-- today and maybe tomorrow, too-- the sun is shining. And I can say again-- and truly mean it-- Here am I. Send me. Even if it's painful. Because when I am weak, then He is strong. Because, yes, Jesus loves me.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Blessings Upon Blessings!
We moved about a month ago. It was a decision made following much prayer. Once we were sure it was where God was leading us, we got excited about it! We had an idea of what this new phase of our lives would look like.
And then God went and fulfilled his Word. He did immeasurably more than we could have asked for! Not only, are we enjoying living in this new place, but God has made it better than we ever could have expected!We're holding on to this period of blessings as tightly as we can! We're in a richly exciting phase of life and we're so humbled and grateful for God's never-ending fulfillment of promises!
One of the greatest blessings we've received came most unexpectedly. Terry and I were treated to a weekend at the Houstonian Hotel and Spa! Two very special people treated us to a bed and breakfast package (beautiful breakfasts in bed Saturday and Sunday!) and they also covered the cost for me to get a facial and a massage!
I waited for my massage in the "Tranquility Room" in the dark, on my own private chaise, cup of strawberry water in my hand, sparkling fire in the the fire place. I was overwhelmed by the generosity of these two
people!
It was a wonderful weekend that Terry and I really benefitted from. As plain ol' tired individuals, and as a married couple who just hadn't had too much time to be married this past year.
And then God went and fulfilled his Word. He did immeasurably more than we could have asked for! Not only, are we enjoying living in this new place, but God has made it better than we ever could have expected!We're holding on to this period of blessings as tightly as we can! We're in a richly exciting phase of life and we're so humbled and grateful for God's never-ending fulfillment of promises!
One of the greatest blessings we've received came most unexpectedly. Terry and I were treated to a weekend at the Houstonian Hotel and Spa! Two very special people treated us to a bed and breakfast package (beautiful breakfasts in bed Saturday and Sunday!) and they also covered the cost for me to get a facial and a massage!
I waited for my massage in the "Tranquility Room" in the dark, on my own private chaise, cup of strawberry water in my hand, sparkling fire in the the fire place. I was overwhelmed by the generosity of these two
people!
It was a wonderful weekend that Terry and I really benefitted from. As plain ol' tired individuals, and as a married couple who just hadn't had too much time to be married this past year.
This was the view from our room.
It felt like we were in the wilderness, but we were right in the Galleria area!
We read by this beautiful fireplace one night for a few hours. It was very peaceful.
You can take the girl to a classy hotel, but that doesn't make her classy! This is a photo of stairs that led directly from the hallway near our hotel room, to the parking garage. You were supposed to take the stairs all the way to the ground floor and then take a separate staircase up to the different levels to get your car. Instead, Terry and I jumped that wall right there every single time. We kept thinking people were going to see us and think we were breaking in to the hotel or something!
A view of the grounds. I got to walk around the beautiful property a a bit before my spa treatments.
More of the property.
My cute hubs.
Thanks again for the so special weekend away! And thanks, also, to the people who helped take care of our kiddoes while we were gone. It was a rejeuvenating weekend that we benefited from so much! Thank you for being givers!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
A Look Back
Well, I've been busy doing a lot of fun things since my last post. I will catch you up on the blessings we've been experiencing. Not a day goes by -- really, not A DAY!-- when either Terry or I say to one another, "It's just a blessing, straight from God!"
I will share all of those wonderful things with you soon. Today, I just wanted to make note of an experience I had yesterday. It was significant for many reasons.
I'm approaching my one year anniversary. I was inducted into the 'cancer world' at the end of April 2010. It was a wild ride, a crazy year, and quite the experience. Most days I look back on it and I'm very grateful. I believe I've gone through a 'sifting' period and I've come out the other side better!
I was reading Beth Moore last night and she wrote about how the enemy likes to attack when we're really improving our faith. God was definitely doing some cool things in my life a year ago. Opening my eyes about a lot and drawing me closer. I don't know if my illness was an attack or just an unfortunate part of life in a sinful world. But, I'm blessed that God held me close in 2010 and never allowed me to feel alone. And now, not even a year later, most of it feels like a lifetime ago. A blurry memory that will always give me chills. And hopefully, always remind me to get on my knees.
I opened a spiral yesterday. I needed to write something down and I grabbed the closest paper to me. I opened it and read in my sweet hubby's handwriting:
4/18 last cycle
4/19 lumpectomy
4/21 1st oncologist meeting
4/28 MRI
4/30 Portacath, Mastectomy, Node Dissection
5/6 drains removed, 3 of 10 nodes positive
5/7 PET scan
5/11 Dr. Heyne follow-up
5/20 1st chemo
5/25 ER- 101.7 fever, shortness of breath, chest xray, blood work. Negative.
5/27 discharged, white blood down
That's where the dates stop. Because, really, that was all the hardest part. Nothing was ever scarier than my MRI news. Nothing was ever harder than my first chemo and subsequent 3 days in the hospital.
I know many of you think I'm naive to hope that this is the biggest trial I'll ever face. Maybe you're right. After all, time wounds all heels. And I've got lots more time left.
Thank God for 2010. The year God changed my life by saving it.
I will share all of those wonderful things with you soon. Today, I just wanted to make note of an experience I had yesterday. It was significant for many reasons.
I'm approaching my one year anniversary. I was inducted into the 'cancer world' at the end of April 2010. It was a wild ride, a crazy year, and quite the experience. Most days I look back on it and I'm very grateful. I believe I've gone through a 'sifting' period and I've come out the other side better!
I was reading Beth Moore last night and she wrote about how the enemy likes to attack when we're really improving our faith. God was definitely doing some cool things in my life a year ago. Opening my eyes about a lot and drawing me closer. I don't know if my illness was an attack or just an unfortunate part of life in a sinful world. But, I'm blessed that God held me close in 2010 and never allowed me to feel alone. And now, not even a year later, most of it feels like a lifetime ago. A blurry memory that will always give me chills. And hopefully, always remind me to get on my knees.
I opened a spiral yesterday. I needed to write something down and I grabbed the closest paper to me. I opened it and read in my sweet hubby's handwriting:
4/18 last cycle
4/19 lumpectomy
4/21 1st oncologist meeting
4/28 MRI
4/30 Portacath, Mastectomy, Node Dissection
5/6 drains removed, 3 of 10 nodes positive
5/7 PET scan
5/11 Dr. Heyne follow-up
5/20 1st chemo
5/25 ER- 101.7 fever, shortness of breath, chest xray, blood work. Negative.
5/27 discharged, white blood down
That's where the dates stop. Because, really, that was all the hardest part. Nothing was ever scarier than my MRI news. Nothing was ever harder than my first chemo and subsequent 3 days in the hospital.
I know many of you think I'm naive to hope that this is the biggest trial I'll ever face. Maybe you're right. After all, time wounds all heels. And I've got lots more time left.
Thank God for 2010. The year God changed my life by saving it.
Friday, February 25, 2011
De-cluttering for Jesus!
I was in The Container Store a few weeks ago when I had a major "aha" moment regarding stuff. I was thinking about Reynosa, Mexico where I saw people living in tiny cardboard huts several years ago. They could have fit all of their possessions in one bag. Then I thought about the Africans I've been learning about in The Hole In Our Gospel. They have few posessions at all, spend their days walking miles just to get enough water for the day. Live on less than $2 a day. And if they had more money they'd likely spend it on prevention and a cure for AIDS. Not because it's the popular cause of the moment. But because it's what's killing their own communities.
I'm thinking all of these things as I walk up and down the aisles of The Container Store. These people have nothing. And here I am... in a store to buy stuff that can help me organize my other stuff. I bought three things, got in the car and promptly started crying like a baby. It just felt so wrong. I called Terry and was able to laugh at my outburst. But it was the final straw for me.
Everything I knew about money, giving, and the needy has been shaken up. God has been moving us in this direction for years now. Looking back, I can see the small, baby steps. He's been nudging us forward. Challenging us to look at our finances, our budget and weed stuff out. He's been calling us to give more. Yes, of time and resources. But also of money.
Last month we made the decision to move. In an effort to create more space in our budget for giving, we're downsizing to an apartment that's 2/3rds the size of our current house. We're losing a garage and a yard and an attic. So all of that stuff that piles up in these places has no where to go.
And our house has become a mass exodus of things on their way out. Plastic things, shiny things, handy things, useless things, pretty things, memorable things, "What is this and where did it come from?" things. And I've been doing a jig. I feel as good as if I were shedding pounds! Goodbye stuff! Adios materialism! Keeping up with them? Shoot, I dont' want to even resemble "the Joneses!"
I've been looking at my things differently. If it takes up my precious time to clean it, store it, maintain it, I want it out! I don't want to lose family time because I'm always taking care of my stuff. I don't want the funds for a mission trip or to feed a needy family to not be there because I had to have more clothes, more toys for the boys, or more dinners in restaurants.
The ideas and concepts from the Bible about giving and blessings-- those concepts that were repeated and reshaped in Radical, those ideas that were made poignantly clear in The Hole, are coming alive for the first time in my life.
I'm honored, humbled, and thrilled to be on the receiving end of this message from God. I pray that it's a permanent change and not a short-lived revival of sorts. Thank you for praying the same.
I'm thinking all of these things as I walk up and down the aisles of The Container Store. These people have nothing. And here I am... in a store to buy stuff that can help me organize my other stuff. I bought three things, got in the car and promptly started crying like a baby. It just felt so wrong. I called Terry and was able to laugh at my outburst. But it was the final straw for me.
Everything I knew about money, giving, and the needy has been shaken up. God has been moving us in this direction for years now. Looking back, I can see the small, baby steps. He's been nudging us forward. Challenging us to look at our finances, our budget and weed stuff out. He's been calling us to give more. Yes, of time and resources. But also of money.
Last month we made the decision to move. In an effort to create more space in our budget for giving, we're downsizing to an apartment that's 2/3rds the size of our current house. We're losing a garage and a yard and an attic. So all of that stuff that piles up in these places has no where to go.
And our house has become a mass exodus of things on their way out. Plastic things, shiny things, handy things, useless things, pretty things, memorable things, "What is this and where did it come from?" things. And I've been doing a jig. I feel as good as if I were shedding pounds! Goodbye stuff! Adios materialism! Keeping up with them? Shoot, I dont' want to even resemble "the Joneses!"
I've been looking at my things differently. If it takes up my precious time to clean it, store it, maintain it, I want it out! I don't want to lose family time because I'm always taking care of my stuff. I don't want the funds for a mission trip or to feed a needy family to not be there because I had to have more clothes, more toys for the boys, or more dinners in restaurants.
The ideas and concepts from the Bible about giving and blessings-- those concepts that were repeated and reshaped in Radical, those ideas that were made poignantly clear in The Hole, are coming alive for the first time in my life.
I'm honored, humbled, and thrilled to be on the receiving end of this message from God. I pray that it's a permanent change and not a short-lived revival of sorts. Thank you for praying the same.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day
To all the women who make me laugh, have my back, know my secrets, share my memories, hold my hand:
Thank you for being there for me. I am utterly undeserving of such a blessing as your friendship.
Where would I be without you?
Much love to you on Cupid's Day!
Thank you for being there for me. I am utterly undeserving of such a blessing as your friendship.
Where would I be without you?
Much love to you on Cupid's Day!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
SARAH COUPS DE PIED AUX BUTTES DE CANCER
When asked what kind of food I wanted for a cancer-free celebration that Small Group was having for me, I jokingly answered, "French." And thus was born my SARAH COUPS DE PIED AUX BUTTES DE CANCER or SARAH KICKED CANCER'S BUTT PARTY!
We had ratatoille, Mijote De Poulte au Citron, chocloate fondue, cheese platters, baguettes, mousse, Beignets de Courgette, and a TON of homemade cream puffs and pastries! Dani scored big points by finding French organic soda!
We had ratatoille, Mijote De Poulte au Citron, chocloate fondue, cheese platters, baguettes, mousse, Beignets de Courgette, and a TON of homemade cream puffs and pastries! Dani scored big points by finding French organic soda!
I asked for a group picture before I had found a willing volunteer to take the photo for us. We're a very obedient group-- see how they stayed put "in pose" when I left the room to find a photographer?
Thanks guys for all the food, fun and encouragement!
I'm slightly biased, but I think our small group is awesome! Kim and Warren gave me a giftcard from Living Water International and I was so excited to visit the website and choose how to spend the money! I am so very blessed to have such thoughtful friends (who just happen to be awesome chefs, too!).
Thursday, January 6, 2011
28 Things I Learned in My 28th Year
I LEARNED...
1. That it's really true when people say, "At least I have my health!"
2. That eating organic isn't just trendy. It's the wise thing to do.
3. That nurses and medical staff can make all the difference in a patient's experience. If you're in this profession, I hope you realize how important you are to the whole system. A non-condescending, non-judgemental nurse is a blessing!
4. That I should never serve coffee at an event if I don't have any creamer. (Hey, not everything I learned is deep or cancer-related!)
5. Praying for God to "break your heart for the things that breaks His" will be time-consuming and mind-consuimg. It will be painful. But it will be worth it.
6. That my friends love me a whole, whole lot.
7. That being a Christian doesn't mean continually working on yourself. It means continually looking outward and serving others... and letting God do the work in you.
8. That a car ride with loud country music and the windows rolled down is good for the soul!
9. That physical appearance amounts to nothing. And counts for nothing.
10. That when people don't help, it's mostly because they don't know how to help.
11. That even when a person looks fine and seems to feel fine, I shouldn't assume they are fine.
12. That I sholdn't take myself so seriously.
13. That hospital gowns are infinitely ugly.
14. That chemotherapy is a fantastic diet.
15. That almost nothing will make you feel more terrified than when you can't concentrate or think straight.
16. That it's too easy to live in a bubble.
17. That I would be lost without those people in my life who feel comfortable enough to say, "Shape up!"
18. That over-commiting yourself does not equal good service.
19. That to little boys, every toy can be a gun, and every activity will end up in wrestling.
20. That, despite all the good it's doing, Tamoxifen is an evil drug that will make me a sweaty, red-faced woman for the next five years.
21. That maybe it isn't a coincidence that the idea of adopting a child was always rolling around in my head.
22. That it is really, really true that God will provide.
23. That my husband has strength and staying power (thank God!).
24. That my biggest vice is watching The Real Housewives (any and all cities) and it will always make me feel better about myself!
25. That my number one job as a parent is to produce children who love Jesus and pick up their cross daily for him. My focus should be on teaching my kids to plan for Heaven, not a big career or a big house.
26. That a relationship with Christ apart from obedience and Bible reading is empty and unpleasing to God.
27. That whether sick from chemo or sore from surgery, a dirty dish is still a dirty dish and it will always bother me!
28. That I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Phillipians 4:13
1. That it's really true when people say, "At least I have my health!"
2. That eating organic isn't just trendy. It's the wise thing to do.
3. That nurses and medical staff can make all the difference in a patient's experience. If you're in this profession, I hope you realize how important you are to the whole system. A non-condescending, non-judgemental nurse is a blessing!
4. That I should never serve coffee at an event if I don't have any creamer. (Hey, not everything I learned is deep or cancer-related!)
5. Praying for God to "break your heart for the things that breaks His" will be time-consuming and mind-consuimg. It will be painful. But it will be worth it.
6. That my friends love me a whole, whole lot.
7. That being a Christian doesn't mean continually working on yourself. It means continually looking outward and serving others... and letting God do the work in you.
8. That a car ride with loud country music and the windows rolled down is good for the soul!
9. That physical appearance amounts to nothing. And counts for nothing.
10. That when people don't help, it's mostly because they don't know how to help.
11. That even when a person looks fine and seems to feel fine, I shouldn't assume they are fine.
12. That I sholdn't take myself so seriously.
13. That hospital gowns are infinitely ugly.
14. That chemotherapy is a fantastic diet.
15. That almost nothing will make you feel more terrified than when you can't concentrate or think straight.
16. That it's too easy to live in a bubble.
17. That I would be lost without those people in my life who feel comfortable enough to say, "Shape up!"
18. That over-commiting yourself does not equal good service.
19. That to little boys, every toy can be a gun, and every activity will end up in wrestling.
20. That, despite all the good it's doing, Tamoxifen is an evil drug that will make me a sweaty, red-faced woman for the next five years.
21. That maybe it isn't a coincidence that the idea of adopting a child was always rolling around in my head.
22. That it is really, really true that God will provide.
23. That my husband has strength and staying power (thank God!).
24. That my biggest vice is watching The Real Housewives (any and all cities) and it will always make me feel better about myself!
25. That my number one job as a parent is to produce children who love Jesus and pick up their cross daily for him. My focus should be on teaching my kids to plan for Heaven, not a big career or a big house.
26. That a relationship with Christ apart from obedience and Bible reading is empty and unpleasing to God.
27. That whether sick from chemo or sore from surgery, a dirty dish is still a dirty dish and it will always bother me!
28. That I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Phillipians 4:13
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
Is It 2011 Yet?
Today is the last day of the worst year of all my years.
"Forbid that I should walk through Thy beautiful world with unseeing eyes."
--John Baillie
Click below to enjoy one of the best things in this beautiful world (in my humble opinion)...
Classic country music! And the lyrics I'm claiming for 2011...
"Forbid that I should walk through Thy beautiful world with unseeing eyes."
--John Baillie
Click below to enjoy one of the best things in this beautiful world (in my humble opinion)...
Classic country music! And the lyrics I'm claiming for 2011...
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Moving On
I've had big plans for a huge cancer-free bash since almost the day of my diagnosis. Because I enjoy planning events, thinking of this up-and-coming party gave me plenty to think about while I was sick from chemo.
But I'm feeling differently now.
Christmas 2010 has come and gone. And I had four separate family Christmases. And at each one of them, cancer was far from my mind. Who has time to think about cancer when it's Christmas, right? Luckily, my treatment was far behind me (and my surgery so far ahead) that I was able to enjoy Christmas as "just me" again. Not, "Me with Cancer."
So, I'm over the label. I'm past the illness. I don't want to give anymore attention to it. And that includes planning a party. It's not the celebratory event or mood that I mind. It's the effort it would take me to throw the party. And each minute of planning would just be me sitting amongst the memories. And however enjoyable the planning was, I'd be inwardly wallowing at losing more moments to this dreaded disease. Someday, in the future, perhaps, I'll plan the charity event I've thought of for so many months.
For now, I'm just moving on.
I've still got the bruises, metaphorically speaking. And I've been changed in more ways than I can count. So I'll never be the same. But, thankfully I don't have to stay in this moment. It's like covering a wall with new wall paper. You can smooth the new paper over the old and have a shiny new appearance. But, with one intentional scrape of a finger nail you can reveal the old paper below.
I don't want to spend any more time dwelling on having been sick. I want to put up new wall paper. Maybe some paint. The room looks new but the foundation is the same.
"I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them. O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him."
Psalm 34:4-8
God heard me.
My face has been lightened.
I have been saved from my troubles.
I have been delivered.
I am blessed.
And now I'm moving on.
Never to forget, but never to live in the past.
But I'm feeling differently now.
Christmas 2010 has come and gone. And I had four separate family Christmases. And at each one of them, cancer was far from my mind. Who has time to think about cancer when it's Christmas, right? Luckily, my treatment was far behind me (and my surgery so far ahead) that I was able to enjoy Christmas as "just me" again. Not, "Me with Cancer."
So, I'm over the label. I'm past the illness. I don't want to give anymore attention to it. And that includes planning a party. It's not the celebratory event or mood that I mind. It's the effort it would take me to throw the party. And each minute of planning would just be me sitting amongst the memories. And however enjoyable the planning was, I'd be inwardly wallowing at losing more moments to this dreaded disease. Someday, in the future, perhaps, I'll plan the charity event I've thought of for so many months.
For now, I'm just moving on.
I've still got the bruises, metaphorically speaking. And I've been changed in more ways than I can count. So I'll never be the same. But, thankfully I don't have to stay in this moment. It's like covering a wall with new wall paper. You can smooth the new paper over the old and have a shiny new appearance. But, with one intentional scrape of a finger nail you can reveal the old paper below.
I don't want to spend any more time dwelling on having been sick. I want to put up new wall paper. Maybe some paint. The room looks new but the foundation is the same.
"I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them. O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him."
Psalm 34:4-8
God heard me.
My face has been lightened.
I have been saved from my troubles.
I have been delivered.
I am blessed.
And now I'm moving on.
Never to forget, but never to live in the past.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
More Along Those Lines
Read this post. This woman is a beautiful, moving writer and her tumbling ideas and speech in this post describe how Terry and I have been feeling about living radical lives.
It's worth your time.
(Note: she calls her husband "farmer.")
It's worth your time.
(Note: she calls her husband "farmer.")
Monday, December 6, 2010
Slow Down!
So busy. So busy!! Did I sit down today? Did I sit down all weekend??
I can't stop moving- it's The Reason for the season that's got me anxious to do all I can do to spread His message of hope this year! What can I do? Who can I help? How do I teach my kids it's not about gifts? How do I include a message of Christ's love in my thank-you gifts to Micah's pre-school teachers? How do I remember that its not about gifts-- the ones I get OR the ones I give?
I won't be overwhelmed with chores, to-do lists, or how to buy bigger, better presents. I won't care about wrapping paper, curling ribbon, or gift cards.
I will be overjoyed by the true miracle of it all. I will sing carols and reach out to the needy (which is you, me, your next-door neighbor. Be careful how you define needy or you could miss out on plenty who really need help.) I will pray, pray, pray. I will S-L-O-W D-O-W-N beginning... NOW!
Every year I say I hate the pace of this special season. I believe our enemy's got us right where he wants us. If we're so consumed with shopping, gift-giving, creating traditions, and attending every party we're invited to, then before we know it... Christmas is over. And we've not stopped to get on our knees and worship. To say how much we're humbled by His grandness. To imagine the sky filled with angels singing the greatest birthday song. It's heart-breaking that I was thisclose to letting it all pass in a blur again!
I had cancer this year. I did! Really-- it wasn't a dream. It's come flashing into my life like lightning, quickening the pace of life and making me dash through things at a break-neck speed! Get-to-the-end-of-it! Get done, get done, get done! Be over, be over, be over!
But now it's time to stop all of that. It's time I looked up again and just sat and talked with my God. The one who "stepped down from his throne... to romance a world that is torn all apart." When Jesus left the wonders of heaven to join the human race and be born into a world full of hate, disease, and selfishness,
He
did
it
for
...me.
Luke 2:14, New American Standard
"Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased."
I can't stop moving- it's The Reason for the season that's got me anxious to do all I can do to spread His message of hope this year! What can I do? Who can I help? How do I teach my kids it's not about gifts? How do I include a message of Christ's love in my thank-you gifts to Micah's pre-school teachers? How do I remember that its not about gifts-- the ones I get OR the ones I give?
I won't be overwhelmed with chores, to-do lists, or how to buy bigger, better presents. I won't care about wrapping paper, curling ribbon, or gift cards.
I will be overjoyed by the true miracle of it all. I will sing carols and reach out to the needy (which is you, me, your next-door neighbor. Be careful how you define needy or you could miss out on plenty who really need help.) I will pray, pray, pray. I will S-L-O-W D-O-W-N beginning... NOW!
Every year I say I hate the pace of this special season. I believe our enemy's got us right where he wants us. If we're so consumed with shopping, gift-giving, creating traditions, and attending every party we're invited to, then before we know it... Christmas is over. And we've not stopped to get on our knees and worship. To say how much we're humbled by His grandness. To imagine the sky filled with angels singing the greatest birthday song. It's heart-breaking that I was thisclose to letting it all pass in a blur again!
I had cancer this year. I did! Really-- it wasn't a dream. It's come flashing into my life like lightning, quickening the pace of life and making me dash through things at a break-neck speed! Get-to-the-end-of-it! Get done, get done, get done! Be over, be over, be over!
But now it's time to stop all of that. It's time I looked up again and just sat and talked with my God. The one who "stepped down from his throne... to romance a world that is torn all apart." When Jesus left the wonders of heaven to join the human race and be born into a world full of hate, disease, and selfishness,
He
did
it
for
...me.
Luke 2:14, New American Standard
"Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased."
Monday, November 29, 2010
Someday
Some days I'd like a mulligan.
A do-over.
A "go back."
Some days I don't care about my new perspective, my new sense of self, or my new take on life.
Some days I'm grouchy and I want to toss my prescriptions, delete my doctors' numbers from my phone, and clear the bookshelves of cancer 'memorabilia.'
Some days I want to wear pink, head to toe. Some days I want to shout out about surviving. Some days I want to lose a few hours researching the illness online.
Some days I ask what I can do to help. How can I make it better? Some days I want to embrace the cause and honor those who are still fighting.
A do-over.
A "go back."
Some days I don't care about my new perspective, my new sense of self, or my new take on life.
Some days I'm grouchy and I want to toss my prescriptions, delete my doctors' numbers from my phone, and clear the bookshelves of cancer 'memorabilia.'
---
Some days I ask what I can do to help. How can I make it better? Some days I want to embrace the cause and honor those who are still fighting.
---
Usually I just don't want the label anymore. Usually I want to be the best version of me, a personality independent of cancer. I want my family to move on. Usually I'm longing for this to be a shadow of a memory.
---
Mostly I want to figure out what it is God intends to make of all this. Mostly I want the desires of my heart to match his desires. Mostly I want to want to ignore the rest and really be able to say, "Here am I. Send me."
Someday I'll get the hang of it.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thanks
Thank you husband for not giving up.
Thank you Micah and Caleb for being your fabulous selves.
Thank you Mel L. for being tireless and generous, attentive, and knowing.
Thank you Paul P. for being so wise and so available to me. (And for the constant kick in the pants.)
Thank you accountability partner for reminding me how to live.
Thank you to "The Fam" for giving me the Nook, making me laugh and supporting me always.
Thank you small group for your friendship and sarcasm. And the meals, prayers, and yard work.
Thank you parents (all four of you) for being supportive and understanding.
Thank you Copperfield Church for the meals, community, and encouragement.
Thank you Laura G., Jill C., Jennie B., Michelle S., Lindsey D., Emily R., and Copperfield staff and PNO for taking good care of the boys.
Thank you Kelly B. for the overnight babysitting and housecleaning while I was in the hospital.
Thank you kind strangers and friends for the generous monetary gifts. Including Mel L., Olivia B., Cari F., Jennifer R. Dad and Donna, Scott W., Karen W.
Thank you Angels in Action for the meals, the cards, the blanket, the money to help with car repairs and my wig.
Thank you Linda C. for the weekend at the Purple House.
Thank you Mark B. for ALL THAT yard care.
Thank you Lizzie and Justin for lending us Michelle!
Thank you Mercer employees for picking up the slack and allowing Terry so much time out of the office.
Thank you Lindsey D., Emily R., Olivia B., Cari F., Susan D., Ashley Q., Liz W., and Leslie W. for Eagle's Nest tuition.
Thank you Dad and Donna for the upcoming trip to Disney.
Thank you Mom for all the groceries.
Thank you Pastor Larry and Pam P. for visiting at the hospital.
Thank you Aunt Janeal, Aunt Judy and families for the meals, cards, plants, support.
Thank you Brandy P. for the housekeeping. And the "I know how you feel" talks.
Thank you Wendy for the quilt and all the work that went into it.
Thank you Cheryl S. and church group for the quilt and prayers.
Thank you Sherry B. for encouragement about my wig and the loving emails.
Thank you Bobbie H. for your quick action and helpful supplies.
Thank you fellow pink survivors for seeking me out and giving me advice.
Thank you Laura K. for going before me and making it look easy. You make short hair look stunning!
Thank you Christina C. for the selfless help with chores, shopping, and cleaning.
Thank you Chelsea J. for cutting my hair off.
Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Horton for the words of encouragement, and the "Bald is Beautiful" and "Here I Am" plaques.
Thank you Ken W. for your time spent working on the truck.
Thank you Dr. Morgan, Dr. Heyne, Dr. Zimmerman, Chris for the quality medical care.
Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for the gift cards. Thank you for the cards and letters. Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for the meals. Thank you for being there. Thank you for reading my silly blog. Thank you for remembering us in your prayers.
I've much to be grateful for. Seeing how much help we've been given is mind-blowing.
Thank you God for my salvation,
for the big things and the small.
Thank you for friends and family.
I pray you bless them all.
Thank you Micah and Caleb for being your fabulous selves.
Thank you Mel L. for being tireless and generous, attentive, and knowing.
Thank you Paul P. for being so wise and so available to me. (And for the constant kick in the pants.)
Thank you accountability partner for reminding me how to live.
Thank you to "The Fam" for giving me the Nook, making me laugh and supporting me always.
Thank you small group for your friendship and sarcasm. And the meals, prayers, and yard work.
Thank you parents (all four of you) for being supportive and understanding.
Thank you Copperfield Church for the meals, community, and encouragement.
Thank you Laura G., Jill C., Jennie B., Michelle S., Lindsey D., Emily R., and Copperfield staff and PNO for taking good care of the boys.
Thank you Kelly B. for the overnight babysitting and housecleaning while I was in the hospital.
Thank you kind strangers and friends for the generous monetary gifts. Including Mel L., Olivia B., Cari F., Jennifer R. Dad and Donna, Scott W., Karen W.
Thank you Angels in Action for the meals, the cards, the blanket, the money to help with car repairs and my wig.
Thank you Linda C. for the weekend at the Purple House.
Thank you Mark B. for ALL THAT yard care.
Thank you Lizzie and Justin for lending us Michelle!
Thank you Mercer employees for picking up the slack and allowing Terry so much time out of the office.
Thank you Lindsey D., Emily R., Olivia B., Cari F., Susan D., Ashley Q., Liz W., and Leslie W. for Eagle's Nest tuition.
Thank you Dad and Donna for the upcoming trip to Disney.
Thank you Mom for all the groceries.
Thank you Pastor Larry and Pam P. for visiting at the hospital.
Thank you Aunt Janeal, Aunt Judy and families for the meals, cards, plants, support.
Thank you Brandy P. for the housekeeping. And the "I know how you feel" talks.
Thank you Wendy for the quilt and all the work that went into it.
Thank you Cheryl S. and church group for the quilt and prayers.
Thank you Sherry B. for encouragement about my wig and the loving emails.
Thank you Bobbie H. for your quick action and helpful supplies.
Thank you fellow pink survivors for seeking me out and giving me advice.
Thank you Laura K. for going before me and making it look easy. You make short hair look stunning!
Thank you Christina C. for the selfless help with chores, shopping, and cleaning.
Thank you Chelsea J. for cutting my hair off.
Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Horton for the words of encouragement, and the "Bald is Beautiful" and "Here I Am" plaques.
Thank you Ken W. for your time spent working on the truck.
Thank you Dr. Morgan, Dr. Heyne, Dr. Zimmerman, Chris for the quality medical care.
Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for the gift cards. Thank you for the cards and letters. Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for the meals. Thank you for being there. Thank you for reading my silly blog. Thank you for remembering us in your prayers.
I've much to be grateful for. Seeing how much help we've been given is mind-blowing.
Thank you God for my salvation,
for the big things and the small.
Thank you for friends and family.
I pray you bless them all.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
WEEEEE!
That's just me,
being foot-loose and fancy freeee!!
(Some of you have asked about my "cancer-free party." It will be Spring of 2011. A great big bash! Details soon...)
being foot-loose and fancy freeee!!
(Some of you have asked about my "cancer-free party." It will be Spring of 2011. A great big bash! Details soon...)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Marriage on THE Rock
When Terry and I got married we chose a Bible verse to represent our hopes for the marriage: Matthew 7:25. When I go back and read that verse now I can't help but wonder what God was thinking when our Pastor read those words at our wedding. Did He laugh at our choice of scripture which would indeed become a very true description of the early years of our marriage? Or did His heart break at what He knew lay ahead for us?
"The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock." Matthew 7:25
We wanted our marriage to stand the test of time because we built it on the very firm foundation of Christ.
My treatment is over. My cancer is gone. But Terry and I would both agree we're still facing the rain and the winds. We've been together for nearly 10 years. Once we started dating we were almost inseperable. And for 10 years we've developed some strong traditions. We were alike in thought and attitude in the beginning, but after a decade we've grown even more similar. We agree over the big things, and most of the small things too. For years we'd go to bed at the same time every night, always together. We'd talk on the phone while he drove to work, and again when he drove home. We spent our free time together, we spent our busy times wanting to get back together.
And then out of no where I got sick. And we couldn't be a couple anymore. I had to be at doctor appointments. I had to be sick but hide the worst of the illness from the kids. I had to be diligent to fight away depression. I had to be strong when we headed into surgery where I would voluntarily offer up part of my female identity to be cut into and cut away.
Terry had to be at work. He had to be with the kids. He had to be in charge of paying the bills and cleaning the house. He had to be sure he was always at work when it mattered, so they still saw him as a valuable part of the team. He had to relay the messages of my progress, pre-op and post-op. He had to be ok with me being sick.
We couldn't be a couple anymore because our lives suddenly depended on us being indpendent beings who could tackle our "to-do" lists. There's still been love. Always lots and lots of love. But there hasn't been much togetherness. Gone are the days of going to bed together. I've been turning in at the same time as the kids and Terry's been up until the sun rises trying to get work done. Date nights have dwindled due to budgetary constraints and time constraints and fatigue. And somehow when we do go out it usually ends up being with other people.
I looked at Terry a few nights ago and just felt like, "Where have you been?"
What I do know is where our marriage is going. Good places. Great, big, golden-anniversary places! And the way we're going to make it there is that we've acknowledged what a funky spot we're in now and we're setting out to get back on the right path. There were so many days during the last 6 months when I'd look at Terry at the end of the day and say, "I need such and such." And he'd respond with his own long list of needs. We were both desperate for help and at the same time both so empty that we had nothing to give. I truly believe that this was a recipe for disaster... We would have ended up resenting each other had it not been for our ability to turn to God to supply all our needs.
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
I married Terry because I love him. And because he likes board games as much as me. Because he is a homebody and because his jokes are so cheesy. Because he loves kids. Because he likes to take me out to eat Mexican food. Because he likes to dance with me even though I have no rhythm.
But I'm so grateful that God has helped me to understand that it isn't Terry who will make me happy in life or give me the things I want or need. I believe we would be sitting in couples counseling right now if we didn't both go to God during this process. He gave us strength. He gave us love. He gave us hope.
And then we were able to go back to each other feeling content just knowing we were still with our loved one. And now that our dark sky is beginning to allow the sun to peek through, we see that we've made it intact. And now we can rebuild the intimacy that existed before.
I hope this is the hardest thing that our marriage will ever endure. And I hope that when the next storm comes we can look back and see that if God could carry us through this, then He will surely be faithful to help us uphold His beautiful marriage design during the next curveball life throws us.
I've said it for a decade now-- Terry is the biggest blessing in my life. He is my best friend and "holy smokes" I'm grateful for him! He's seen me bald, bruised, and broken and still fought to hang in there for me. I told him last week that we have a new song. More specifically, it's my song for him... (Swerdna Eiluj, husband!)
If it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you
"The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock." Matthew 7:25
We wanted our marriage to stand the test of time because we built it on the very firm foundation of Christ.
My treatment is over. My cancer is gone. But Terry and I would both agree we're still facing the rain and the winds. We've been together for nearly 10 years. Once we started dating we were almost inseperable. And for 10 years we've developed some strong traditions. We were alike in thought and attitude in the beginning, but after a decade we've grown even more similar. We agree over the big things, and most of the small things too. For years we'd go to bed at the same time every night, always together. We'd talk on the phone while he drove to work, and again when he drove home. We spent our free time together, we spent our busy times wanting to get back together.
And then out of no where I got sick. And we couldn't be a couple anymore. I had to be at doctor appointments. I had to be sick but hide the worst of the illness from the kids. I had to be diligent to fight away depression. I had to be strong when we headed into surgery where I would voluntarily offer up part of my female identity to be cut into and cut away.
Terry had to be at work. He had to be with the kids. He had to be in charge of paying the bills and cleaning the house. He had to be sure he was always at work when it mattered, so they still saw him as a valuable part of the team. He had to relay the messages of my progress, pre-op and post-op. He had to be ok with me being sick.
We couldn't be a couple anymore because our lives suddenly depended on us being indpendent beings who could tackle our "to-do" lists. There's still been love. Always lots and lots of love. But there hasn't been much togetherness. Gone are the days of going to bed together. I've been turning in at the same time as the kids and Terry's been up until the sun rises trying to get work done. Date nights have dwindled due to budgetary constraints and time constraints and fatigue. And somehow when we do go out it usually ends up being with other people.
I looked at Terry a few nights ago and just felt like, "Where have you been?"
What I do know is where our marriage is going. Good places. Great, big, golden-anniversary places! And the way we're going to make it there is that we've acknowledged what a funky spot we're in now and we're setting out to get back on the right path. There were so many days during the last 6 months when I'd look at Terry at the end of the day and say, "I need such and such." And he'd respond with his own long list of needs. We were both desperate for help and at the same time both so empty that we had nothing to give. I truly believe that this was a recipe for disaster... We would have ended up resenting each other had it not been for our ability to turn to God to supply all our needs.
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
I married Terry because I love him. And because he likes board games as much as me. Because he is a homebody and because his jokes are so cheesy. Because he loves kids. Because he likes to take me out to eat Mexican food. Because he likes to dance with me even though I have no rhythm.
But I'm so grateful that God has helped me to understand that it isn't Terry who will make me happy in life or give me the things I want or need. I believe we would be sitting in couples counseling right now if we didn't both go to God during this process. He gave us strength. He gave us love. He gave us hope.
And then we were able to go back to each other feeling content just knowing we were still with our loved one. And now that our dark sky is beginning to allow the sun to peek through, we see that we've made it intact. And now we can rebuild the intimacy that existed before.
I hope this is the hardest thing that our marriage will ever endure. And I hope that when the next storm comes we can look back and see that if God could carry us through this, then He will surely be faithful to help us uphold His beautiful marriage design during the next curveball life throws us.
I've said it for a decade now-- Terry is the biggest blessing in my life. He is my best friend and "holy smokes" I'm grateful for him! He's seen me bald, bruised, and broken and still fought to hang in there for me. I told him last week that we have a new song. More specifically, it's my song for him... (Swerdna Eiluj, husband!)
If it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you
Monday, November 15, 2010
DONE!
I am still celebrating! It's five days since my last cancer treatment and I'm still in celebration mode!! I am so happy to be finished! It's weird how my worries have diminshed so much just by being done with treatment. I've been in remission almost since the beginning, but I never felt like it until I walked out of the doctor's office last Wednesday.
After my final treatment, I saw Dr. Morgan and then I walked out of his office to a hallway full of applause! They made me ring the bell and I even got a certificate (what am I gonna do with a certificate for completion of radiation?), a t-shirt, a mug, and pens. I was really embarrassed by the attention and I kind of wanted to remind everyone that all I've done to "complete" my radiation is lie on a table every day!
(Skip this paragraph if you don't want slimy details of my skin reaction to radiation...) My skin has gotten much worse since the previous post with pictures. It has scabbed over, peeled, bubbled, and oozed. It's really very disgusting! I've been putting gauze over it when I go out and when it's time to take the gauze off, it pulls a layer of skin with it! Even though it looks so much worse, the pain is gone. It was really bad for about a week and now I'm back to feeling fine! Not so bad huh!?
So Wednesday my mom and Laura came to meet me after my final radiation and we went to Pei Wei (Yum!) and then Christmas shopping. I want to say a BIG thank you to Lizzie and Michelle because I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the shopping as much if I'd brought the boys along. They worked it out so that I had a babysitter for as long as I wanted that day!
Laura came back to my house for about an hour (Terry got off work early! Such a treat!). And then we all got in the car to go to my "Surprise" dinner. Turns out my family isn't so good at keeping secrets because by the time I pulled up to the Mexican restaurant, three people had spilled the beans! But it was still a lot of fun! And I was so happy to see Emily and James who drove all the way from the other side of town! I didn't take pictures because I was too busy celebrating, but here are a few Mel took.
Micah wore this Super Why mask to dinner. He carried a toy hammer and said he was "Punching Guy!"
After my final treatment, I saw Dr. Morgan and then I walked out of his office to a hallway full of applause! They made me ring the bell and I even got a certificate (what am I gonna do with a certificate for completion of radiation?), a t-shirt, a mug, and pens. I was really embarrassed by the attention and I kind of wanted to remind everyone that all I've done to "complete" my radiation is lie on a table every day!
(Skip this paragraph if you don't want slimy details of my skin reaction to radiation...) My skin has gotten much worse since the previous post with pictures. It has scabbed over, peeled, bubbled, and oozed. It's really very disgusting! I've been putting gauze over it when I go out and when it's time to take the gauze off, it pulls a layer of skin with it! Even though it looks so much worse, the pain is gone. It was really bad for about a week and now I'm back to feeling fine! Not so bad huh!?
So Wednesday my mom and Laura came to meet me after my final radiation and we went to Pei Wei (Yum!) and then Christmas shopping. I want to say a BIG thank you to Lizzie and Michelle because I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the shopping as much if I'd brought the boys along. They worked it out so that I had a babysitter for as long as I wanted that day!
Laura came back to my house for about an hour (Terry got off work early! Such a treat!). And then we all got in the car to go to my "Surprise" dinner. Turns out my family isn't so good at keeping secrets because by the time I pulled up to the Mexican restaurant, three people had spilled the beans! But it was still a lot of fun! And I was so happy to see Emily and James who drove all the way from the other side of town! I didn't take pictures because I was too busy celebrating, but here are a few Mel took.
Micah wore this Super Why mask to dinner. He carried a toy hammer and said he was "Punching Guy!"
Monday, November 8, 2010
Cloudy Days
Yesterday at church we learned about storms. We talked about David and how he handled losing his baby son. Pastor Larry talked about how going through storms can be holy. That we can learn a lot while we walk through them. He taught us to pray through them, learn to accept God's will, and then move on.
At the end of the hour he invited all those who were going through storms to go to the front to pray with a staff member. I had to duck my head so Taunya and Terry wouldn't see me cry. I didn't want them to see the tears because I knew they'd be misinterpreted. I wasn't crying because of my storm. I was crying because for the first time in months I don't feel like I'm in a storm anymore at all.
I have three days of radiation left. The area being treated looks much worse than the last pictures I posted. And I will still have surgery this next summer. But in the midst of all that God has allowed me to finally feel like the storm is passing. I'm sure many of you thought my storm was over as soon as my scans came back clear and I was officially considered in remission. But it's been an uphill battle to come to terms with my higher chances of recurrence. And today I rejoice in the passing clouds because I know that, even as soon as tomorrow, I could hear the thunder again.
Pastor Larry said something about us using our storms to become better people. And that's when I looked around me...
The people sitting near me, friends from our small group, have been going through their own storms in the past year or so...
A divorce.
The sudden death of their dad.
Leaving their newborn twins in the hospital until possibly December.
Waiting for a new heart.
If storms make you better, then our small group is about to cause some damage for the kingdom of God!
At the end of the hour he invited all those who were going through storms to go to the front to pray with a staff member. I had to duck my head so Taunya and Terry wouldn't see me cry. I didn't want them to see the tears because I knew they'd be misinterpreted. I wasn't crying because of my storm. I was crying because for the first time in months I don't feel like I'm in a storm anymore at all.
I have three days of radiation left. The area being treated looks much worse than the last pictures I posted. And I will still have surgery this next summer. But in the midst of all that God has allowed me to finally feel like the storm is passing. I'm sure many of you thought my storm was over as soon as my scans came back clear and I was officially considered in remission. But it's been an uphill battle to come to terms with my higher chances of recurrence. And today I rejoice in the passing clouds because I know that, even as soon as tomorrow, I could hear the thunder again.
Pastor Larry said something about us using our storms to become better people. And that's when I looked around me...
The people sitting near me, friends from our small group, have been going through their own storms in the past year or so...
A divorce.
The sudden death of their dad.
Leaving their newborn twins in the hospital until possibly December.
Waiting for a new heart.
If storms make you better, then our small group is about to cause some damage for the kingdom of God!
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