It's been over a week since I've written. I've been wading my way through a combat zone- October! It's Breast Cancer Awareness month and it's driving me nuts! While I'm very, very appreciative of all the attention my "popular" disease gets every year, I'm really tired of being reminded about it so much. I know, I know, I sound very ungrateful, huh!?
The truth is that I'm pretty darn annoyed this past week or so. What's that saying about fatigue making quitters of all of us? I'm tired and it's making me grouchy. My radiation onc told me from the get-go that this whole process would make me tired, but I brushed it off thinking that nothing could be harder than chemo.
While I was certainly right about that- radiation is nothing compared to chemo- I have to admit that it's still making me feel pretty exhausted. Every morning I do ok and I guzzle enough coffee to give an elephant a jolt, but by around 4 o'clock I hit a wall and it's all I can muster to get the kids in bed at 8. I've been pushing past being tired, thinking "Who am I to complain? People have it so much worse..." But today I ran into a fellow bc patient at the docs office. She gets radiation just before me and we've struck up a friendship. She didn't have to have chemotherapy, so she quite possibly doesn't have my frame of reference, but today she said, "I'm so tired!" and I was so grateful to her for sharing! I needed someone in my shoes (actually she's had one week less radiation than me) to admit being tired so that I could relax and allow myself to take things a little slower too.
There was a commercial once where this shirt-less man was sucking in his stomach as a pretty woman walked by. After she's out of sight, he lets out his breath and his big belly bulges and drops over his pants. When my friend admitted to being tired today, I mentally 'let my belly out.' It was an immediate and huge relief to stop faking it and say, "Really? You're tired? So I'm not just a weak little sissy? It's ok to be tired? Great news!"
It was a good reminder that sharing our personal feelings and experiences, regarding any matter, is a great thing for us to do. You never know who needs to hear that you've struggled too.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
People on Your Path
Last week I was leaving the house when, as soon as I backed out of the driveway, I spotted a woman walking down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the road. As I drove closer towards her I realized that she was wearing a scarf on her head. And then I saw the tell-tale sign of breast cancer- she had had a mastectomy on one side and wasn't wearing a prosthetic.
I drove a split-second longer, then suddenly slammed on my brakes, parked my car in the middle of the street and left my door wide open as I walked to catch up with her. And the only way I can describe what happened next was that God took over and the Holy Spirit guided me through this conversation.
I said, "Excuse me," and got her attention. She wore no makeup, looked tired, and I could tell she wasn't as old as she appeared. I think she must have been in her late thirties. I said, "I'm being treated for breast cancer right now, and is it ok to assume that you are too?"
She said yes. She told me she was experiencing a recurrence, that it had spread to her lung and that after four years and a lot of chemotherapy her doctors had just told her there was no more hope.
The words I spoke next were from the Holy Spirit as he guided me. I said, "There is always hope. And I'd like to pray for you right now." I grabbed her hands and we stood there on the sidewalk and prayed. I don't remember anything I said, I just remember how wonderful it felt to be in the presence of God on the hot sidewalk in Cypress, Texas. I remember that as I spoke outloud, I was inwardly praising God. For what, I'm not sure. It was actually a sad story that the woman shared. And I identified with her pain. So I find it miraculous and awe-inspiring that I could feel godly peace in that moment.
When I said, "Amen" and looked up, there were three cars patiently waiting on the street. The door of my car was still ajar and no one could get by. We live on a busy street and I was impressed that no one had honked their horns to get our attention. I hope that they could tell by our posture that we were praying and that the Holy Spirit we felt so clearly was also evident to them.
It turns out that Cassandra, the woman I prayed for, was also a believer. I wasn't meant to share the gospel with her that day, but I know I was meant to share that moment with her. I pointed my house out to her and asked her to please come by anytime she wanted. I haven't seen her since. But she's been on my mind every day since then. For me it was a little glimpse of heaven. I didn't know her but I loved her immediately, just as Jesus does. God revealed a little bit more of himself to me that day and I'm still reveling in that palpable presence a week later.
And earlier today, God brought another breast cancer patient into my life. Although hers is a very different story. I met the woman as I picked Micah up from pre-school. She and I were the first to arrive to collect our children (her grandchildren). She was wearing a Komen "race for the cure" t-shirt. It's October- breast cancer awareness month- so I've seen many, many people sporting their pink clothes and Komen gear. But for some reason I decided to ask her about her shirt. "Did you participate in the race?" I asked.
She said, "Yes. I'm a survivor and I walk every year."
It turns out that she is an 18-year survivor. She had stage 3 and it was in her lymph nodes just like me. She said that when she passed the 10-year mark her doctors told her that she was "in the general population." Meaning that she now has no higher chance of recurrence than any other woman. I didn't even know that was possible. And just hearing her story gave me hope.
So, God brought me two women in the last 7 days who've walked my path. One nearing the end of her journey, and one who has put the pain and experience far behind her. I don't know what my journey is going to look like. But I'm grateful that I got to meet these women and hear their tales. I'm grateful that God loves me enough that He takes the time to so intricately weave my life so that I cross certain people's paths at certain times.
I drove a split-second longer, then suddenly slammed on my brakes, parked my car in the middle of the street and left my door wide open as I walked to catch up with her. And the only way I can describe what happened next was that God took over and the Holy Spirit guided me through this conversation.
I said, "Excuse me," and got her attention. She wore no makeup, looked tired, and I could tell she wasn't as old as she appeared. I think she must have been in her late thirties. I said, "I'm being treated for breast cancer right now, and is it ok to assume that you are too?"
She said yes. She told me she was experiencing a recurrence, that it had spread to her lung and that after four years and a lot of chemotherapy her doctors had just told her there was no more hope.
The words I spoke next were from the Holy Spirit as he guided me. I said, "There is always hope. And I'd like to pray for you right now." I grabbed her hands and we stood there on the sidewalk and prayed. I don't remember anything I said, I just remember how wonderful it felt to be in the presence of God on the hot sidewalk in Cypress, Texas. I remember that as I spoke outloud, I was inwardly praising God. For what, I'm not sure. It was actually a sad story that the woman shared. And I identified with her pain. So I find it miraculous and awe-inspiring that I could feel godly peace in that moment.
When I said, "Amen" and looked up, there were three cars patiently waiting on the street. The door of my car was still ajar and no one could get by. We live on a busy street and I was impressed that no one had honked their horns to get our attention. I hope that they could tell by our posture that we were praying and that the Holy Spirit we felt so clearly was also evident to them.
It turns out that Cassandra, the woman I prayed for, was also a believer. I wasn't meant to share the gospel with her that day, but I know I was meant to share that moment with her. I pointed my house out to her and asked her to please come by anytime she wanted. I haven't seen her since. But she's been on my mind every day since then. For me it was a little glimpse of heaven. I didn't know her but I loved her immediately, just as Jesus does. God revealed a little bit more of himself to me that day and I'm still reveling in that palpable presence a week later.
And earlier today, God brought another breast cancer patient into my life. Although hers is a very different story. I met the woman as I picked Micah up from pre-school. She and I were the first to arrive to collect our children (her grandchildren). She was wearing a Komen "race for the cure" t-shirt. It's October- breast cancer awareness month- so I've seen many, many people sporting their pink clothes and Komen gear. But for some reason I decided to ask her about her shirt. "Did you participate in the race?" I asked.
She said, "Yes. I'm a survivor and I walk every year."
It turns out that she is an 18-year survivor. She had stage 3 and it was in her lymph nodes just like me. She said that when she passed the 10-year mark her doctors told her that she was "in the general population." Meaning that she now has no higher chance of recurrence than any other woman. I didn't even know that was possible. And just hearing her story gave me hope.
So, God brought me two women in the last 7 days who've walked my path. One nearing the end of her journey, and one who has put the pain and experience far behind her. I don't know what my journey is going to look like. But I'm grateful that I got to meet these women and hear their tales. I'm grateful that God loves me enough that He takes the time to so intricately weave my life so that I cross certain people's paths at certain times.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Food Fight!
Terry and I have each cooked one meal for our "health food cook-off!" Terry cooked first. Here's what he made:
1. Cod with a lemon butter sauce
2.creamy asparagus
3. black beans and quinoa
4. chocolate covered strawberries
Well, that's what he tried to make anyway. It all started going downhill for him when he attempted the lemon butter sauce. See, a while back I'd accidentally bought vegan butter. I'd been in a rush and seen "All-natural" written on the tub and just grabbed it. I didn't realize till later that my "butter" had no dairy in it! I haven't been cooking with it at all and it tastes ok on the occasional slice of toast. But when Terry attempted to melt it down into a creamy sauce, all he got was a pot of burnt oil. And so he got mad. And gave up on his sauce altogether. So we had cod-minus-the-sauce.
Next he attempted the black beans and quinoa but a few minutes into cooking he decided it didn't "look right" so he tossed it out and made black beans from a can instead. He was really annoyed by this point and said he'd never cook again!
His asparagus dish, on the other hand, was so darn good that I've made it three times since! And the dark chocolate strawberries were great too!
All in all, his dish got a 7 (out of 10) from me. I've told him that he's lucky when it comes to my scoring. I like food in general; doesn't have to be fancy or healthy, is just has to be on a plate (and sometimes not even that!) and I'm happy. Fish- good. Beans- good. Asparagus- gooood!! Way to go, babe!
Sorry there are no pictures of his dish. He was in such a foul mood after cooking that I knew pulling out the camera would send him over the top!
The following week it was my turn. Kelly, Kyle and Eileen were unlucky enough to be visiting us on the day I made my meal! (And the busyness of that night is the reason there's no pics of my food either.)
I made:
1. pear and balsalmic chicken
2. spinach and cauliflower gratin
3. veggie and polenta cakes
4. Almond torte
I really liked the chicken. I think it was the best dish overall. Terry didn't like that my cauliflower was a little undercooked and I thought the sauce on this dish was too sweet (from yogurt). The kids loved the polenta cakes but in the end that dish was waaay too time consuming and not worth making again. The almond torte was wonderful to me because it is the only thing even slightly resembling dessert that I've had in ages. But it was really dry. Not sure if this was because I over cooked it or just because it's a bad recipe. It's made with no flour, sugar, or butter. Just almond meal, eggs (whipped and whipped and whipped some more) and all natural, organic maple syrup.
Terry hated the polenta cakes, didn't even try the torte since he doesn't like dessert, but still gave me a generous 6.5.
And more food tips and finds:
1. Cod with a lemon butter sauce
2.creamy asparagus
3. black beans and quinoa
4. chocolate covered strawberries
Well, that's what he tried to make anyway. It all started going downhill for him when he attempted the lemon butter sauce. See, a while back I'd accidentally bought vegan butter. I'd been in a rush and seen "All-natural" written on the tub and just grabbed it. I didn't realize till later that my "butter" had no dairy in it! I haven't been cooking with it at all and it tastes ok on the occasional slice of toast. But when Terry attempted to melt it down into a creamy sauce, all he got was a pot of burnt oil. And so he got mad. And gave up on his sauce altogether. So we had cod-minus-the-sauce.
Next he attempted the black beans and quinoa but a few minutes into cooking he decided it didn't "look right" so he tossed it out and made black beans from a can instead. He was really annoyed by this point and said he'd never cook again!
His asparagus dish, on the other hand, was so darn good that I've made it three times since! And the dark chocolate strawberries were great too!
All in all, his dish got a 7 (out of 10) from me. I've told him that he's lucky when it comes to my scoring. I like food in general; doesn't have to be fancy or healthy, is just has to be on a plate (and sometimes not even that!) and I'm happy. Fish- good. Beans- good. Asparagus- gooood!! Way to go, babe!
Sorry there are no pictures of his dish. He was in such a foul mood after cooking that I knew pulling out the camera would send him over the top!
The following week it was my turn. Kelly, Kyle and Eileen were unlucky enough to be visiting us on the day I made my meal! (And the busyness of that night is the reason there's no pics of my food either.)
I made:
1. pear and balsalmic chicken
2. spinach and cauliflower gratin
3. veggie and polenta cakes
4. Almond torte
I really liked the chicken. I think it was the best dish overall. Terry didn't like that my cauliflower was a little undercooked and I thought the sauce on this dish was too sweet (from yogurt). The kids loved the polenta cakes but in the end that dish was waaay too time consuming and not worth making again. The almond torte was wonderful to me because it is the only thing even slightly resembling dessert that I've had in ages. But it was really dry. Not sure if this was because I over cooked it or just because it's a bad recipe. It's made with no flour, sugar, or butter. Just almond meal, eggs (whipped and whipped and whipped some more) and all natural, organic maple syrup.
Terry hated the polenta cakes, didn't even try the torte since he doesn't like dessert, but still gave me a generous 6.5.
And more food tips and finds:
Ezekiel bread! Delicious and so much healthier than even the standard wheat varieties. Find it in the freezer section.
Stretch Island Fruit Company! Kind of like fruit roll-ups but with only fruit purrees and no added sugar. Great for throwing in your purse. They've replaced Micah's love for those nasty little fruity gel bite things.
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