A Change in Taste

At my last meeting with my nutritionist we discussed the likelihood that my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is the highest contributing factor to me getting cancer. Namely because women with pcos have a large amount of estrogen compared to their progesterone. And breast cancer is a hormonally-driven cancer where estrogen matters a lot.

If you want to know more about how PCOS-related insulin resistance also likely contributed to me getting cancer, read the next paragraph, if not skip down...

Scientists believe that the components of Insulin Resistance and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome actually favor the growth of breast cancer cells, creating an environment ripe for the development of this disease. While studies are still on-going, preliminary data suggests that increased levels of insulin in the blood increase the formation of breast cancer cells.

My nutritionist will be closely monitoring my hormone levels from here on out to make sure I stay out of that danger zone regarding my estrogen.

But the insulin issues- well, they're mostly taken care of with diet. Which is why everything I'm eating lately has almost no sugar or wheat. I'm eating very little carbohydrates and very little red meat. And fruits and vegetables are, of course, most important.

So far it's been easier than expected. (Of course, I've had the best motivation possible- staying healthy during chemotherapy!)

Some of my best discoveries:

-Smoothie King. My Starbucks addiction has taken a major hit and Smoothie King has luckily been there as a replacement. All last week I enjoyed a Starbucks mocha nearly everyday to celebrate chemo ending, but now I'm back on a no-sugar diet so I settle for the Mocha Coffee Smoothie (with no turbinado) at Smoothie King instead.

-Quinoa pasta has been my favorite health food find. Pasta is a big no-no. Even whole wheat pasta. Thankfully my love for Top Chef came in handy and I remembered a gluten-free episode that featured pasta made of Quinoa. Quinoa is a protein (something I'm supposed to consume a lot of) and the pasta tastes (to me anyway) just like regular pasta, maybe even better! It looks like this...

and you can get it at Kroger. And it's also organic!

-Sweets are completely restricted but I found that sometimes I just need something chocolate! Lucky for me I found Endangered Species chocolate bars that are organic. If I buy the ones that are 88% pure cocoa, then I can eat half a bar for only 5 grams of sugar. I usually can't even eat half a bar though, so this is a pretty healthy alternative to sweets.

I found a tip online today that I can't wait to put into practice. The suggestion is to grate vegetables into all of your recipes while you cook so everything has double the vegetables, but the thin slices don't change the flavor much.

If you know us personally, you'll understand just how many groans have risen from my husband's side of the table lately. He's doing a good job at least trying most of the food I've been serving up. But we've got a long way to go before I get him to give up all of his sugar-packed, preservative-stuffed snacks like Dr. Pepper, Frosted Flakes, and honey buns!

Our game plan-

We're trying to make eating differently more fun so we've made it into a competition. We're going to start combing the health food websites for interesting recipes. Terry and I will each take turns cooking some of the more challenging dinners and we'll keep track of who makes the most delicious meals. We haven't decided yet what the winner gets though. Probably just some guilt-free cash to spend on whatever we want!

My Very Own Love Letter

Monday night after my shopping trip, I was wiped. I grabbed by Nook so I could read for a few minutes before falling asleep. The cool thing about the Nook (a wi-fi reader that allows me to download and store books and read them anywhere I can carry the small device) is that when you turn it on, it automatically pulls up where you stopped reading last. And even though I'd planned on reading a novel, Monday night my book opened to the middle of Ephesians 3 so I started reading the Bible instead.

And God spoke to me through the next several verses in a powerful way! I'm always so....so... honored when God reaches out and steadies my shoulders and says, "This, Sarah Lanier Domino, is what I have to say to you today." There's nothing more powerful.

Monday night, in the middle of "achy brain" syndrome from chemo, God wrote me a love letter and stuck it in the pages of Ephesians. Read with me and I'll share what He told me...

It starts with a headline: "Prayer for Spiritual Strength."
I remember thinking, "Yes, please," as I dove into chapter 3, verse 14...

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. (God knew I needed to hear that my family was derived in Him and taken care of by Him. I'd just moments earlier gotten a phone call from a crying Micah who was unhappy at his sleepover arrangements and I was feeling sad. It was important that God calmed me with the use of the word 'family' in this verse so I could put that worry aside and hear God.)

 "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. (This passage was all about feeling strengthened. After going through the emotional and physical vigors of chemo, I felt so empty and I've been craving words from God like those highlighted above.)


"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (I love that here we see the need to have power to understand God's love. It's not something we can see easily! It requires power to even grasp the concept! That's a lot of love!)


"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! (This is one of my all-time favorite verses. God is able and willing to do immeasurably more than what we have hoped for in our wildest imaginations! Believe me, these are powerful words to me right now! I've been so broken and weighed down, but with these words God reminded me that He's anxious to give to me! That while I'm asking for health and to be around when my children get married, maybe God's rubbing his hands together saying, 'Ahhh, Sarah, I've got so much more in store for you than that!'

Stay with me because chapter four gets even better!

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. (In case you haven't read the title of my blog, I've attacked my cancer diagnosis with the enthusiasm of one called to be better and do more for Christ! In my previous post on the new normal I expressed a desire to become worthy of my calling.)

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (I was searching for direction as my chemo treatments ended and the next part of life began. I was happy to read these admonishments and accept them as a goal. To be humble, gentle, patient, loving.)

Let's skip to verse 11:

"It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. (I've been feeling the call of God so strongly. I've been feeling Him calling me to do more and be more for Him-- to serve in a different capacity like those mentioned above. He continued to use his scriptures here to nudge me in that direction. I am anxious to know what God has in store for me!)
We're nearing a big finish! Let's end with verses 14-16:

"Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. (These scriptures are about maturing spiritually, but you better believe that I read them to mean I could be freed from the tossing of waves caused by cancer too! And how wonderful of God to weave the words of our physical bodies into this verse! He knew I needed to hear that my body is being held together by Him, that I can move on and allow Him to rebuild my physical and spiritual strength to an even healthier state than before!)

It may not sound like much to you... But those five minutes of reading these above scriptures were wonderfully warming to me! I couldn't read them fast enough as God whispered his voice above those words on the pages written so long ago. I love the living word that can move that like!

I was changed when I was diagnosed. I've been changed during other pivotal moments throughout my journey so far. And Monday night, God let me know He'd be there holding me up while He shows me how to embrace the changes and use them for Him. Here am I, God. Here am I, Lord. You've sent me and I'll go. Thank you for your healing. Thank you for the love letter.

Adios Chemo!

I've been reading Ephesians lately. The scriptures on being saved by grace have been comforting to me. Since getting sick I've had moments of "bartering" with God in my weakness. Moments where I've asked to be cured of cancer in exchange for lofty promises regarding my current and future behaviour. Of course I know none of that matters. Nothing I can ever do would even be worthy of sparing my life. I get eternity in heaven because of sheer mercy, right? From what I've heard from others who've been through an illness like mine, this idea of making promises to God in exchange for your health is a common one.

And speaking of promises, my little sister has gotten engaged and will soon promise to love her beau forever. And it just so happened that she, my mom, and my older sister all had one day off work to go shopping for wedding gowns-- day 5 of chemo for me. This is usually my second worst day in any given chemo cycle. But, I wasn't missing wedding dress shopping for anything! I did a little research and discovered that the Galleria offered wheel chairs, so we took advantage of that and I got pushed around the mall for hours. I was a little uncomfortable at first-- I mean, I don't really look sick so I wondered how many people might be judgementally wondering why I was wheeling around. And actually, as glamorous as it sounds to get such great treatment, I didn't like my lowered vantage point and was very unhappy with my inability to flit around the stores and pull gowns for Laura!

However, we successfully made it through the day and even managed to agree on a beautiful dress perfect for Laura's intimate, family wedding. And so I proclaim this the most successful chemotherapy session ever!

Unfortunately today I mis-read my stamina and I headed out to a store (the boys are playing with Aunt Emily today!) to shop for my own gown for the wedding. Fast forward about thirty minutes and I was sitting on the floor with my head in between my knees so I didn't pass out. Ok, so bad call on getting out today. But since I am now familiar with the sensations I get before I pass out I noticed them right away and took a time-out before things got worse.

It was a huge blessing to be able to feel less sick this time around. Like Paul said to me when he heard I was shopping Monday, "Why are we surprised by what God can do?" It was also a blessing that Terry continued to take care of me when I came home last night. I know it would be easy for someone to see me expend such energy on a shopping trip and then assume that I'm 100% better and decline to help. But, just like Terry's done since the beginning, he didn't ask any questions (or even raise his eyebrows when I originally suggested the idea of me going out) and he was graciously my care-taker. He made me dinner, helped me wash my face, got me into bed and rubbed my hands and feet until I fell asleep. How's that for loving?

But I was talking about blessings, not husbands (although in my case they seem to be one in the same)...
Getting through chemotherapy is a HUGE, huge, huge blessing and worthy of many "Praise the Lords!" I was spared many side-effects and although I endured too many hospital stays for my liking, I'm so very overwhelmed with joy to be on this side of this whole ordeal and still be in one piece. (And now I'm watching my naked scalp for any signs of life!)

When I came home from the doctor's office Thursday (the last time I have to see my oncologist for three months now that I'm transferring to the radiologists care!) Mel had delivered a beautiful end-of-chemo celebration basket! We got champagne, the new Jennifer Weiner book, organic snacks, DVDs, and a beautiful wall hanging about growing up 'Southern.'

And speaking of southern things, it just wouldn't be right of me to end this post without mentioning another blessing. The love and downright, southern hospitality of all of you who have traveled this journey with me so far. When I was embarrassingly sitting in Ross with my head between my knees today, I started running through a list of the people I could call on to come get me if I weren't able to drive myself back home. I'm happy, and even surprised, by the sheer volume of that list.

I am, after all, just a flighty girl who's too opinionated, too ornery, and too stubborn for her own good. Yet when I was faced with a disease that was too much for me, you all showed up and represented God's children, my brothers and sisters, very well. You were and are a huge blessing to me, my husband, and my baby boys.

Thank you.