Thanks for everyone who reached out to me since my last post. Obviously, when I wrote it, it had been a bad few days for me. Which makes sense if you consider that I'd gone three days without reading the Bible and had buried my nose in cancer books (which I normally hate!). After my last chemo I'd tried to read the Bible and my brain was swimming and I couldn't focus on the language of my NIV. I couldn't concentrate on it so I set it aside. And I ignored it for the following two days too.
But the night I wrote my "Low Point" post I gathered my three remaining brain cells and finally opened the Bible to where I'd left off in my previous reading. 2 Corinthians 10. Verses 3-5 said...
"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ."
It was clear what God was telling me. I'd forgotten to prepare for spiritual warfare. I'd neglected to guard myself by reading the word and instead I'd listened to other arguments that weren't of God (in this case putting what I read in cancer books above the promise for peace offered in God's word.). I hadn't been taking every thought captive for Christ.
Here's what my McArthur's commentary had to say on these few verses...
"...Paul did not fight the spiritual battle for men's souls using human ingenuity, worldly wisdom, or clever methodologies. Such impotent weapons are powerless to free souls from the forces of darkness and bring them to maturity in Christ...The formidable spiritual strongholds manned by the forces of hell can be demolished only by spiritual weapons wielded by godly believers...since only the truth of God's word can defeat satanic falsehoods. This is the true spiritual warfare. Believers are not instructed in the NT to assault demons or Satan but to assault error with the truth."
I messed up by not reading the Bible every day. I wonder how I could have let it slip when I know how emotionally fragile I can get in the days after a new chemotherapy infusion. I was involved in spiritual warfare, was being attacked with depressing lies about my illness and since I wasn't immersing myself in scripture I had no weapon to defeat the falsehoods. Which is why I let worries of metastises and recurrence get to me. It's why I believed my boys' lives would unravel without me. It's why I felt no hope.
I read somewhere that trials bring us closer to God by making us realize how inadequate we are. I definitely see now how foolish it is for me to go a day without seeking God's voice through the Bible. I'm incapable of keeping my own spirits up. I have to get my strength and optimism from God.
As long as I think I'm able to handle this on my own, I won't make it. And in essence, whenever I go without reading the Bible it's like I'm saying that I can do it without God. "No thank you. I don't need your wisdom or direction today. I got this. I'll be sure to check in when things get out of hand, but for now I've got everything under control."
How foolish can humans be? If anything in my life feels 'under control' its only because of the grace of God.
So thanks for praying for me. Your prayers helped me out of my slump! Check back in tomorrow for medical updates and the news about my overnight hospital stay and blood transfusion.