Ok, I'm still mad I ever gave cancer a point. I've been beaten down the last few days and I'm not sure how it happened. I knew it was cancer before the diagnosis. I didn't flip out after the oncologist told me. I didn't stress for three days, just came home and slept and wondered how long before my cancer-free party.
It might sound like denial to you, but it wasn't. It was acceptance and faith in my big, big God. But once we met with the oncologist and I got buried beneath the huge weight of stats and figures, treatment options and diagnostic tests I lost track of the peace I had in the beginning.
It's just like when Super-Star-Awesome-Dashing husband and I learned years ago that when you spend more time in the world than with the Lord, you begin to believe the lies of the culture. I was spending more time reading about cancer and the facts and my many options. Like I read in James 4 today, I was wrong to make plans without remembering that God is the author of my life. James 4: 13 and 15 "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit...Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.'"
I didn't learn how to really trust God with things until very recently. When something bad happened I use to call and complain to others, make a pro and con list, talk to Terry for hours. In these last few months it had become my goal to talk more to God. And I learned how much easier it was to tell God the problem and wait on His answer.
That's what He meant when He asked us to lay our burdens at His feet. “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens” (Psalm 68:19). “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
I was encouraged reading James chapter 5 this morning...
5:8 "You also be patient. Establish your hearts..."
5:10 My brethren, take the prophets, who spoke in the name of the Lord , as an example of suffering and patience. Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perserverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord--that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful."
5:15-19 And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins he will be forgiven. Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the land for three years and six months. And he prayed again and heaven gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit. Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins."
The faith and peace and forgivness God gives me during this time is available to everyone. Our saviour can save your marriage, save your finances, save you from blindness and make you whole. He can make me cancer-free and He can make you whole. Please listen to Him.