First off, Terry was sweet to point out that there were many mistakes in my first post. (Always keeping me grounded, babe.) And I'm gonna tell you what I told him- I don't care. :) "28cancer" will be my diary just as much as it will be a place for you all to find info. And I don't plan on ever editing my diary for good grammar. Sorry Professor Meyer, cancer beats the journalism-bug right out of me.
Today has been a harder day. I ended last night on a good note. Went to Bible Study where I was grateful to be reminded of the many trillions of things more important than some bad cell growth in my chest. And since I wasn't in a vicodin-induced haze, I actually stayed up to eleven with my Super-Star-Awesome-Dashing husband. We've been ships passing in the night lately and I've missed him. Less than a week till our 5 year anniversary...
Anyway, so last night was good and my surgery was healing and feeling better. I was ready to shake the dust off and be a mom again until I would once again be shut down by surgery. But I woke up with stomach pains and after lying on the couch for a few hours I succumbed and called in reinforcements. Thankfully Mel is just down the road, so she's playing with the boys now. Even though there are so many unknowns, I can't imagine anything ever getting harder than facing facts about raising my kids. I keep wondering- why did God put it so strongly in our hearts to homeschool if I might not be here or be strong enough to do it??
So there are three things that I'm focusing on:
1. Allowing myself to be weak, like the church song says, so that He can be strong. Terry and I feel so certain that being in this position allows us to reach friends and family for Christ. We will praise Him in all things and give Him credit for each victory along the way!
2. What can I learn from this? (More on that later.)
3. My cancer-free party! While there has never been, and as far as I'm concerned, never will be, another reason to celebrate that is greater than my marriage to Super-Star-Awesome-Dashing husband, kicking cancer rates pretty high up there. And if and when we beat it, I'm gonna wear pink, and we're gonna have ourselves a par-tay!
Concerning #2 above, here's what I've already learned...
That there are 'best-guess' about 500 people praying for me. And that probably doesn't include any churches where I've been added to the prayer list. Thank God for prayerful friends! I've been most grateful for all of the many responses that have been scripture-filled. Psalms 119:11 says to hide scripture in our hearts, and there's nothing better than being reminded of God's words.
I have gotten emails from people whose names I didn't even recognize. Support from every part of Texas, including from people whom I haven't heard from in years. And it's blown me over. But I feel very convicted-I feel like my hand's been slapped! All of the support has made me aware of how badly I've given support in the past. Whenever someone I know was confronted with a tragedy/emergency I think I became scared of my own shadow and thought that my visit/email/phone call would be only an annoyance. If how I feel is any indication, then I've let many moments go by when I could have lent a helping hand or shared words of support.
So, I'm sorry to any and all of you if I've ever come up short in the condolences/support area. Believe me, the bad attitude came from my own insecurity and is not representative of how much I've thought of you and loved you as you've struggled, too.
Look at that, cancer's already made me better!