Worship While I'm Waiting

Today was a hard day. I thought I was just seeing the surgeon so she could check on my stitches from the first surgery. So I went alone thinking it was more important for Terry to be at work. Wish he'd have come because I got the pathology report (which still has more unanswered questions than answered) and we discussed mastectomys.

I'm tired of being told that things will be harder because I'm younger. Apparantly chemo will make me more sick, the cancer is more agressive, I'll bleed more from surgery, and I have a higher chance of recurrence after this intitial treatment all because I'm younger. Everytime I hear someone say they were diagnosed young "at 35" I feel so angry. Man, what I wouldn't give for 7 more worry-free years! I should have had lots more years.

It's when I'm thinking like this that it takes so much energy and willpower to re-focus on God and relax. Music has really helped me with that. Like the "While I'm Waiting" lyrics below. I've heard this song easily hundreds of times but when it came on today I realized that nothing could better put into words how I was feeling at exactly that moment.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord



I can't imagine that anything will be as hard as just sitting around waiting to hear if the nodes are clean or not. Waiting to know if my odds are 80-something percent or less than 30. One small test makes such a difference.

Right now we're waiting on my general surgeon and plastic surgeon getting their schedules together to get me in. Waiting on God to hear an answer about double or single mastectomy. Like the song says, I'm going to move ahead bold and confident.