Can't sleep at night. Not because I'm dwelling on things, just because I feel wide-awake and just lie in bed.
Got some crazy tension in my shoulders. Probably mostly from the stress of not knowing the type or stage of cancer yet. But also because of the tight wrappings we've used since the surgery. We finally went through our mail from the past week and we were again stunned by all the cards you guys had sent prior to the original diagnosis and since.
Come to think of it, maybe one of the reasons I can't sleep is because I keep remembering someone who I haven't written to or thanked yet! All of the meals were so tasty, the gift cards much-appreciated, the words of encouragement so...well, encouraging. Our yard is freshly mowed, and we won't need household supplies for a month because of the generosity of our friends! Even if I forget to thank you individually, please know that anyone who has reached out to me in anyway, has been lifted up to God in return. "I thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers." 2 Timothy 1:3
We're mostly doing ok. Even with our ever-trusting faith in God, the day is a roller-coaster of emotions. A lot of what I read says this part is the hardest. Not knowing your diagnosis, your type, your stage. Not knowing your plan of attack and imagining the worst.
One battle I'm fighting most often is this: I know where I'm going when I die. I'm not just ok with going to Heaven, I look forward to being with Jesus. And I know that God is truly my families care-taker and that, despite my ego, my husband and children will do fine without me. BUT- just because I have peace about it doesn't mean I'm ready for it! So every time I feel at ease remembering who holds my future, that peace only lasts a few seconds because with my next breath I'm begging God to let me have more time. I have thought more than once- it's not fair! Hopefully these feelings will pass when we know the severity of the cancer and have a plan.
But when I feel down I sift through my emails/cards and get to read these great things from y'all:
Let us then with confidence grow near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Specific prayers for Sarah have been lifted up to our loving Lord and we walk in faith knowing He is standing in the gap and professing our prayers to the Heavenly Father.
It's hard to turn your thoughts off. We say we want to trust Jesus...and we do trust Him, but we're also fearful of what His will is for us to walk through. To be used by Him for His perfect purpose is scary. We're human. One scripture says to 'praise God for everything' - that's tough, but it's sometimes the only way we can stay focused on Him and not fear itself. He told the woman who had been bleeding for a very long time:
"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
This is my prayer.
... let's remember to ask God to use this for His glory.
My bible verse for today happens to be: For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry (Psalm 34:15 NIV). That verse seems so appropriate for Sarah and Terry – what perfect timing it is for that verse to appear today. Of course we know that God’s timing is always perfect so I am claiming that verse for them and will lift those words up to our loving Lord daily on their behalf.
Remember that Ephesians 3:20 says "He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us."
Strangly enough, at work we are studying the different miracles of the Bible and it has increased my faith and hope in the great God we serve. After every reading I pray the for the miracle needs in our life and I'm expecting a huge testimony from your journey.
You have one of the strongest faiths in God that I've known a woman to have and it will get you through.
I have sent your name out to my prayer warriors and God will hold you tightly during this time. I was reading in Deuteronomy last month and ran across a scripture that really touched me. It is about God holding you between his shoulders. When we are in times of fear or unknowing somehow we can feel so much safer behind our husband knowing he will protect us. Just imagine that you are behind God and between his shoulders and he will keep you safe. He already knows the future and has a plan. Deuteronomy 33:12.
During these times, I'm always comforted by God's sovereignty. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens by coincidence or accident or randomly. He is in control. And He walks us through it quietly, patiently, and faithfully. One of my favorite verses during tough times is Psalm 30:5 ...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Praying in agreement with you for total healing, claiming miracles for you!!!
And awesome words of friendship from my ever-humorous, always-eloquent friend, hero, and cancer survivor, Ashley, "I’m gonna stick with you like the plague." Very comforting, Ash. :)