"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes." Psalm 119:71

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Up and Down

The doctor says that it's pretty predictable that my hair will fall out almost exactly three weeks from my first chemo treatment. So it's time to buy a wig. And guess what? They do make stick-on eyebrows!

Last night I got so angry that my arm is, and will still be, swollen for a long time from the lympectomy. It feels a bit like prison- I want to be able to move it, stretch it. It's not painful, just uncomfortable, but it keeps me awake at night.

But nothing keeps Terry up at night. Last night he laid his head on the pillow and I told him I was gonna countdown from 30. That's all it takes him to fall asleep-- 30 seconds. Just 'cause he's so tired. He's been taking care of all of us, doing most of the housework, and still doing his job. I told him I wanted to read Psalm 107 last night. So we turned the tv off so we could concentrate on the verses. Halfway through it, Terry was asleep!

When we were first diagnosed, I told Terry that I needed him to be my rock. That if I saw him get worried, that it would scare me. So I told him to go have his break downs around someone else, so he could appear strong at home. Then last week I told him that I was over it. I needed him to voice his worries and concerns out loud because I was tired of feeling like I was alone in my thoughts. Poor Terry. Such a roller coaster from his demanding wife! But wouldn't all of our marriages be better if we learned to speak up as soon as our needs changed?

We've got one week of 'down-time' before chemo. But we don't know how to act. Everything got shaken up. And with chemo, our lives will be disrupted again. So who can get rest in the meantime?

Concentrating on the message of Psalm 107 is getting me through for now.

"8 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for men,

9 for he satisfies the thirsty

and fills the hungry with good things."

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